How to Be More Assertive and Not Aggressive?

How to Be More Assertive and Not Aggressive?


It is often hard to find a thin line between being assertive and being aggressive. Assertiveness is necessary if we want to be successful in important areas of our lives like career, or relationships. But, how we can know for sure that we behave in an assertive way and not aggressive. Psychological experts believe that the difference between the two is our focus. Namely, when we focus too much on our own needs, wants, and goals, then we are aggressive. On the other hand, when we make more space for needs, wants, and goals of other people, and we are ready to make a compromise, then we are assertive. Put it simply, when we are only interested to win, it leads to aggression. But, when we are more open to finding a so-called win-win solution, we behave assertively. And, like any other thing, assertiveness can be learned. For example, we can learn to communicate in an assertive way. That means, we have to communicate simply, clearly, and kindly what bothers us. If we suppress the problem for a long time, we will behave passively-aggressive, or have a burst of aggression when nobody expects it. To find out more about how to more assertive and not aggressive, the article “How to Be Assertive Without Being Too Aggressive” gives us the following tips.

How to Be More Assertive and Not Aggressive?

• Know Your Value As A Person

• Identify Your Needs And Wants And Address Them

• Acknowledge The Fact That You Have No Control Of People’s Response

• Express And Accept Criticisms In An Appropriate Manner

• Say “No” When You Feel It’s Not Right For You

When we learn how to be more assertive and not being aggressive, we will be better problem solvers and better leaders. Moreover, when we are better at handling difficult emotions and expressing our needs clearly and firmly, we will gain more authority. That can be especially helpful in parenting. Assertiveness also helps us establish better relationships with people around us. Namely, assertiveness often means having empathy. When we develop empathy, it will be easier to be assertive and have great relationships. But, it cannot be learned in a vacuum. Everyday practice is a key to learn to be more assertive and not being aggressive.

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